Currently, Venus is conjunct Uranus in Pisces and that has got me thinking about Uranus/Venus romances. If you think about it, Uranus and romance don’t really belong in the same sentence. Uranus is not a relationship planet. It is concerned with expressing individuality, non-conformity and originality. Freedom and independence are the main impulses and any effort to restrict these usually inspires rebellion. Uranus does things its own way without too much concern for what others might think or want. ‘My way or the highway’ is an appropriate motto. Cooperation and compromise are not Uranian strong points. The qualities needed for successful relationship are in short supply with Uranus. Yet the planet is often prominent by transit or natally when intense and compelling attractions occur. Why should this be?
What I have observed is that Uranus is active when it is time for a breakthrough in a person’s life. When that happens Uranus is capable of using love to bring that change about. Once that has happened, the relationship often ends or totally transforms.
A Uranian love story
As an example, here’s a woman who has been married for about 20 years and has grown children. The marriage isn’t perfect as the couple aren’t that compatible. He is Scorpio. She is Sagittarius. He is controlled and likes a well-ordered life. She is sociable, spontaneous and fun-loving. Nevertheless, they’ve worked on their differences and the marriage is good enough. Separation has never been considered.
In her late 40s, transiting Uranus conjuncts her Venus and she meets a man. A man who is considerably younger than she is, is a seldom-working actor and as unlike her husband as it is possible to be. She is powerfully attracted to him and though she has found other men attractive in the past she would never dream of doing anything about it. But under the Uranus/Venus influence she does and embarks on an illicit affair.
It’s exciting, guilt-making, is something different and gives her a lot to think about. And what she thinks is that she needs to leave her husband. Not because she expects to live with her lover. She knows that is not an option. It’s because she feels constrained in her marriage and unable to express herself and be truly who she is. the affair highlights just how restricted she feels. It is the need for autonomy and independence rather than love that is moving her. Eventually she tells her husband everything and they separate.
The affair petered out shortly afterward but that’s alright with her. The man was, after all, a bit immature. She got her own flat, learned some new skills, started a new career and was happy to be on her own. She never divorced her husband. He did not want the marriage to end and she respected that and would not divorce him unless she met someone else she wanted to marry—which she hasn’t to date.
In a final Uranian twist she and her husband are reconciled and now have a better relationship than before. They don’t live together and don’t plan to. They recognise their differences and realise that their preferred life-styles are not compatible but they spend time together and are very good friends. She no longer feels intimidated by him and can be herself in his company. Some relationships need more space than others to flourish and Uranus can often show us that.
Finding our potential through love
I know many other stories of Uranus-influenced relationships but they all have a common dynamic: the time has come for a relationship to change. If it does so from within itself, all well and good. If it cannot not or will not, change will be forced on it by the agency of a third party or other compelling interest. Another scenario is the single person who is unaware of, or unable to express some talent or aspect of themselves. They meet someone who brings that out in them. The relationship may not last but the new awareness does. Uranus breaks down the structures and attitudes that hold us captive and prevent us from becoming fully ourselves and sets us free. Sometimes that’s painful and difficult but it’s always exhilarating. With Uranus change can happen when we least expect it—just like that!
I think the quality of Uranus is summed up in a recurring dream I have: I am in a house that I have lived in for a long time. I discover one or two or more rooms that I never realised were there. I feel exhilarated that I have all this extra space that I didn’t know about. I wonder at myself. How could I have lived here so long and not realised that this was here. The dream ends with a sense of wonder and possibility. That’s what Uranus does. It introduces us to what has always been there and when Venus is involved it may mean that we need someone else to open that door for us.